Spring has sprung like a crossbow, inspiring our Mystery Shopper to revisit Nottingham after many years. Dressed for the part in green tights, did she find shops steeped in local folklore or, like the famous sheriff, was she moved to pass harsh judgement?
When I hear this county town’s name I think of Nottingham Forest FC, Brian Clough, Peter Taylor and the glory years of 1979 and 1980. However, I appreciate more people will think of Robin Hood, Alan Rickman as the best Sheriff of Nottingham, Lincoln Green, and other mythic trappings the city is happy to embrace. Maid Marion Way is a major route in town, for example.
With a population approaching 330,000 and a history stretching back to a Saxon chieftain called Snot and beyond, Nottingham is known as the City of Caves, thanks to the easily worked sandstone it sits on. Indeed, one of the country’s oldest pubs – Ye Olde Trip to Jerusalem, established in 1189 – is partly built into the cave system below Nottingham Castle, and other pubs still use spaces dug in the medieval period as beer cellars.
With spring tree blossom, the failed ‘Fat Chicks’ restaurant, famous lion statues, and overpriced parking, I had quite a trip…
PRIVATE 4/5
It seems like a while since I visited a Private this nice, and perhaps this is the biggest I’ve seen; there’s room for not one but two sofas in the chill-out area. The city centre location is great, I liked Fun Factory, Sono, and Satisfyer displays, and £30 printed collars with leads from Shots… So why doesn’t it score full marks? A few untidy details aside – heater on the floor, the mixed shades of blue carpet tiles, ‘alright?’ as a welcome – diluted the atmosphere for me. Nicely lit metal stands, lots of choice of R18 DVDs (standard Private prices/deals), jewel-ended plugs, and racks of magazines all helped the score – as did that spacious chill-out area. I spotted a £35 speculum in a glass case, along with lots of rose petals in with it, and I also admired the silver-and-grey slatwall, good lighting, attractive lit poster boxes in the entrance hall and a particularly glossy exterior.
ANN SUMMERS 4/5
A short walk away, this Ann Summers is on a bustling pedestrianised street and has a pair of frontages, one nested inside the glass of the other. It’s a little fussy but I’ve seen worse so I breezed in past mannequins happily. While the black vinyl floor was not unusual for the chain, sinuous, wavy stands were and I liked how the pale cream-coloured units seemed to draw me deeper with their swoopiness. A friendly welcome and help followed, and I was soon eying yellow tape on the floor, £16 ‘Birthday Suit’ glistening dresses (something new, I think?), and 30% off lots of stock. Dressing rooms and booths, £48 Moregasm Wave and Petite models down to £38-something – actually, this was a problem here. I also saw hand-written discount prices on pretty £12 pink bras, down from £15, but the once £6 matching knickers were now £4.50. Or perhaps £4.60. Even £4.80, it seemed. Use a thinner pen if you’re not going to slow down and write more clearly! Still, details like the Moregasm test tank, £100 ‘The U’ toys in among We-Vibe and other quality products, and jaunty music all worked well. The right sort of attentiveness from staff pushes this close to full marks but a limited toy range for the size of shop, along with issues previously mentioned, means my notes say ‘4.5 stars’ and I have to round down on this occasion. A satisfying, enjoyable, and educational visit nonetheless.
BOUX AVENUE 4/5
While I was tempted by Carole’s Slinky to Kinky in the Victoria Market, I ended up below it in Boux Avenue as I’ve not reviewed one for a while and the chain remains a high profile one. I’m talking lingerie and sleepwear rather than vibes and plugs, but I was pleased to see some quite spicy lines here, pushing firmly past cute into overtly sexy territory. 20% discount deals in the impressive windows on its shopping-centre corner plot also worked for me, and I was soon browsing £18-£24 suspender belts, very pretty £36 bras with £16 matching knickers, and memorising the attractive drawer units and screens dotting surfaces. The downside of one being they hide some stock away, and the other being several were off, leaving me thinking about Black Mirror. Fabric-covered torsos made for good display features and I approve of XL models on posters when stock also caters for the larger shopper. Helpful and welcoming staff, backed-up with great product knowledge, classy white stone floors and large mirrors on pillars all ticked a lot of boxes too. Restful music, ‘lace-topped’ windows with a screen in them, and a logo in the floor at the threshold which I noticed as I left all felt polished, suitable and nicely integrated into a shop with ‘good energy’. Maybe what I mean by that vague phrase is how everything flows smoothly, with a seemingly effortless efficiency. It’s hard to exactly define, but this shop has it.
DELTA LOVE 3/5
My final stop was this interesting independent, close to Asda with its free parking. It’s on a busy street north of the city centre and I appreciated the ‘Please wear a mask’ sign on the door. Along with the ‘Please push hard. It sticks’ one. Once inside I noted it’s quite a compact shop, but well arranged to make the most of the space. While the manager never left his ‘booth’, which looked like a miniature Georgian orangery, the chat was welcoming and friendly, and we wittered away as I looked over £49 Juicy Jill dolls, lots of consumables, £85 Crazy Bull and £79 Doggy Darling rump masturbators, cute £20 Pretty Love vibes and dark blue patterned carpet. Having three quite large steps inside a small shop is a challenge, but I enjoyed how the dual height gave some display opportunities for a few frillies. DVDs were typically £25, or £10 for non-returnable/no PX titles, and toy stock had a few recognisable brands. The floor flexed, jiggling carousels of films as I passed, while white slatwall over pale blue walls helped keep the room feeling bright. A nylon nurse uniform on a body form for £9.99 included stockings not displayed with it but I liked an extensive range of dildos, offering lots of size and colour choice. A pleasant store with good prices, but not special enough to linger in one’s memory.
