Collation is a passion writes Paul Smith and while so many physical retailers have their hands full I didn’t want to be ringing round, distracting them from more productive work, so I went ingredient shopping online instead, gathering fresh Tweets and plucking juicy Facebook updates. I sampled websites and collected the industry’s accumulated survival instincts, boiled this wisdom into a knowledge bisque, strained it to get rid of the lumps, and artfully drizzled it on your plate below. Bon Apocalypsé!
Luke & Jack off
Glasgow’s Luke & Jack store is closed for the duration, but sales remain very much on, thanks to the internet – lukeandjack.co.uk. Celebrating the business’s birthday during the lockdown – they’re not alone, as you’ll read later – meant time for a little reflection. As the firm posted on Facebook, “We opened Luke + Jack on 1st April 2010. Midday. At 12.28 we were serving our first happy customer with what happened to be his perfect choice of the biggest toy in the store. Been a pleasure pleasing people by finding their perfect toy like this ever since… This afternoon we must celebrate from our kitchen table, not the shop, but we WILL have some great celebrations at the other end of Covid-19. Thank you dear friends, supporters and customers, and our wonderful staff team members, past and present, for your help and custom throughout this first decade. Here’s to the second. You’ve all helped in making our crazy idea to open a shop come to life!”
As the pinned lockdown notice (meaning it’s at the top of their social media feed; a useful way to keep it front and centre) on Facebook says, “Please take care of yourselves, your loved ones and your community, and we look forward to welcoming you back to the store as soon as it is safe to do so.”
On Twitter, L&J are running promotions, polls, talking about new ‘triple density’ toys, and generally keeping up the flow of news, views, and Drag Race memes to keep the faithful followers entertained.
You only get an oo with Vibez-oo
Tracey Whitmore of Vibez in Aylesford in Kent got an actual phone call because she suggested it in an email and I know she’s good for a colourful quote.
“I’ve been blowing for hours,” she began. “I’ve been adding my sax to a charity recording of We Are The World. ‘Entertain is what we do best’ is a Facebook group I’m in and I’ve done about three million takes for this single the guy who runs it is putting together. I’m hoping to be the new Captain Tom and raise some money. Might get a Knighthood out of it? Or an MBE? Dame Tracey Whitmore has a ring to it…”
Dame (TBC) Tracey continued: “We had to shut the shop down around the 22nd last month. It seems ages ago! That dreadful day. A tough decision but it had to be done. It was a novelty at first and I caught up with things at home. Sorted my knickers by colour, that sort of thing! I’ve been brave. I’ve left my personal number on the shop answer machine so basically it goes ‘We’re temporarily shut but don’t hang up…’ We’re offering free local same-day delivery – called it Deliver-ooh – for in stock items. How local is local? It depends how I feel and the size of the order! I managed to leave half an order at the shop the other day so had to come all the way back and out again.”
I sympathised. I had to go back to Tesco the other day as I forgot to buy the very thing I went in for. Tracey added@: “You’ve got to do what you’ve got to do to keep customers happy in a situation like this. Most people prefer to collect as it’s not always convenient to have things dropped-off at home. We call that our Cum & Collect service. They call from the car park and I run out in mask and gloves and I throw poppers and pills in through the open car window like some sort of dodgy drugs deal. The funniest one was a guy who called five times to ensure everything was going to go like clockwork. Every detail, every safety measure. Everything’s wiped-down, I explained. Anyway, he arrived and out of the car window came this pole, which got longer and longer, with a bag on the end of it. I had to fish the money out of the bag and he assured me it was clean, in a banking bag. He’d disinfected it and didn’t want his change. I prefer cashless payments, which we do via card online. I can’t take anyone into the shop, but I have used PayPal. What they don’t know doesn’t hurt them. I’ve got two windows at the front of the shop and we’ve have people order at the first window and collect from the second. We’ve called that our Drive Thr-ooh.”
I asked Tracey about what external help Vibez is getting. She responded: “Government support has been a pain. I’m fighting the council as they’ve got our address listed as a warehouse, not retail, despite my paying for a sex shop licence for the last 13 years. My argument with them is it’s their records that are at fault, not something we’ve done. The plumbers next door are in the same boat and they’re confident that we’ll get it, and I hope we do as we’re still paying rent, suppliers – that bit of the world hasn’t stopped. It’s not forever, I have to tell myself. It is what it is and we’re dealing with it one day at a time. We’re getting web orders every day so I come down to the shop and sort those. It has seen more activity, and we’re doing 20% off. We’ve not had a busy website because we’ve always preferred to bring people to the store. We use the site more to advertise the shop. So much nicer to be able to show product, as we’re about service and the experience. We much prefer to do business that way.”
Some things haven’t changed though, sadly, as Tracey described a familiar situation. “I had this guy call up who asked every question under the sun, all day long, and it started getting a bit ‘have you used it personally?’ I had to explain I was happy helping him, but not ‘that way’. I had him on the phone for a day and a half in total and at the end, no order. You have to take calls seriously and sometimes the nervous ones do come across as a little creepy, but you can’t judge and you have to go along with it a bit. Annoying when they vanish though! Another guy wanted info on all the toys, all the lingerie, and I was sending photos of everything. He disappeared too. Just those two really. It makes me chuckle. All good material for the book! Actually, I have been toying with writing my memoirs. ‘The dirtiest book in the world’ as a title, I thought? Intriguing!”
Finally Tracey added: “We’ve hit social media really hard. I’m posting more competitions on Facebook. Keep them reeled in. My son Chris does the creative Instagram posts. He seems to fall through a gap on the furlough scheme so we’re keeping him busy. No PAYE for myself or David, the other director, means no furlough payments; we don’t take a wage from the business so again, it’s not clear what we’ll be eligible for, if anything. It’s a challenging time but we’ll keep going.”
Locked-up in lockdown: chains
Pulse and Cocktails tweeted, back on April 5th, “We’re sure there’s a few of you struggling to rest your head at night. Masturbating before bed can help ease you into a better sleep, head-off into dreamland satisfied…” – Tapping into the anxiety insomnia market is a smart move, with solid science to back it up.
Unusually, the chain of 19 stores was joined by the online retail arm in ‘shutting-up shop’ on March 25th. The notice on the website gives hope for the future though: “We’ll be back soon! It is with heavy hearts that we will be closing all our sexy superstores including our online store. The safety of both our staff and customers will always be in the forefront of our decision making. Once we’re advised by the government that it is safe for us to reopen, we will be welcoming you back with open arms, big smiles, and some great deals.”
In the meantime, tweets to blogs of interest, an interview with Zoe – who featured in last month’s issue of ETO – when she chatted to The Sun, saucy memes, and product features keep the brand popping up on followers’ timelines. For added engagement, more interactivity – particularly asking questions and using the poll feature – might produce wider reach through retweets and post-sharing.
Ploughing a similar furrow, the Simply Pleasure team have kept customers informed both via the .com website and social media. The also 19 store-strong chain has closed its doors for now, but the website is still operational and received a push from a 15% discount sale via an ‘Isolate15’ code. Also tweeting ‘did you know?’ facts – such as oxytocin released by arousal and orgasm is a feel-good hormone associated with lowering anxiety – and ‘have you tried this sex position?’ links to content, its 11.2k followers are seeing the business pass their eyes online more than usual. You won’t be shocked to hear online shopping sales have sky-rocketed and social media use is way up too. “Stay Home. Take care of your sexual health with up to 60% off,” proclaims a banner ad on the firm’s homepage.
It’s also great to note that couples forced to isolate apart haven’t been forgotten by Simply Pleasure. The We-vibe couples toys which can be operated remotely – as the company puts it, “have pleasure together, no matter how far apart you are… there’s no need for physical contact.” – get their glossy sales tweets. It does feel like the right time to be communicating ‘remote options’ to consumers who might not even know that the technology exists.
Nice & Naughty is also operating strictly online at the moment, as the website makes clear, with a more apologetic tone than most: “ATTENTION: Due to the Covid-19 outbreak all Nice & Naughty locations will be closed until further notice. We are sorry for any inconvenience. Stay safe!” Showcasing the firm’s new-look boutique stores, the site looks great, while actual web sales are operated by a third-party distributor so stock and pricing may not be the same as at the physical locations. I guess that’s a small price to pay to offer a faff-free online alternative. I also note the rebranding from Nice ‘n’ Naughty to something a little less chip shop and little more Gieves & Hawkes.
Ann Summers warns that web sales may take up to 10 days to arrive, due to new measures put in place to safeguard the team. A sign-up discount – in addition to any Covid-related promos – is still building that database of new customers, and the FAQ section on what was the Store Finder page is especially impressive:
“Like you, we’re keeping a close eye on the Covid-19 situation as it evolves. We’ve had to make some tough calls, in line with Government guidelines, our stores are now closed and we are focused on making fast improvements to our offer. Priority remains to protect our customers and teams who have adapted brilliantly to some challenges that none of us ever thought we’d face. We take extra safety measures wherever we can by adhering to social distancing, smaller teams, regular hand washing, using masks and continuing to adhere and respond to government guidance…”
The blurb continues, “We feel like a family now more than ever and thank you for your support and understanding during this time.”
The FAQs include:
Are you open?
Our stores are closed but our digital store remains open.
I’d ordered a Click and Collect delivery, will I still get my order?
If you’ve ordered something to be collected at one of our stores, unfortunately we’ve had to cancel your order. Don’t worry, we’ll process a refund for you straight away, which will reach you in the next 3-10 days, depending on your bank.
Is your delivery service still operating as normal?
During this time our standard delivery has increased to 10 working days. We always aim to get your delivery to you as quickly as possible but whilst we have taken additional security measures to ensure the safety of our team it has become necessary to extend our standard delivery times.
Should I be concerned about touching an order I’ve received?
Public Health England have said there’s no current evidence to suggest that the virus can be transmitted from packages.
I’m worried about coming into contact with the delivery person. Will I need to sign for my delivery?
No, our delivery service isn’t signed-for. If you’re in self-isolation or worried about coming into contact with the person delivering your order, Royal Mail have confirmed when they need to deliver any item that won’t fit through your letterbox, they’ll place your item at your door. After knocking on your door, they’ll step aside to a safe distance while you retrieve your item…”
Very clear and concise yet information-rich, the tone is reassuring and not dismissive. This continues in a longer bullet-pointed section about ensuring the safety of Ann Summers workers at the warehouse, and on to the extended returns period (up from 28 to 60 days), advice about the ‘digital’ version of Ann Summers parties, and enhanced contact methods while instore support isn’t available.
In the past we’ve all liked to imagine we’d be good in a crisis. Level-headed, calm; a rock-steady island in a sea of doubt. Ann Summers’ light is burning bright and steady in this storm.
Taboo do not go gentle into that good night
Giving Taboo of Brighton the spotlight treatment, @TabooBrighton Tweets regularly. One recent one was: “Tempt, tease and please your lover with our erotic games. 50 days and nights of pleasure, £17.95 each #SexyBoradGames #TabooBrighton #KinkByTheSea #VeryBritishSexShop #Brighton… #BrightonShopping #SmallBusiness #SexyShopping… #BDSMGear.”
Since games might be the perfect companion – apart from an actual companion – for self isolation, this was a timely tweet. Adding some more well-timed hashtags may have found it an even wider audience, but it shows the power of making a Tweet on a subject easy to find by including hashtags.
Similarly, www.taboo.co.uk gets a mention in the profile info, but links to products promoted via the account – glass toys for temperature play, ‘anal anchor’, edible massage oils, nipple pasties, pony-play lines, latex shine, lingerie, Satisfyer Pro 2 vibes, speculums, BDSM collars, etc – would give each tweet added utility.
Over on Facebook, the message was more direct: “Online Orders & Local Deliveries Available. Call the shop 01273… Stay safe x” Also, “Taking Orders! Online or Telephone… Lust.co.uk”. The Facebook pages also push local deliveries and national shipping by Royal Mail.
The rerun of A Very British Sex Shop on Channel 4 on April 20th was given lots of attention, as you’d expect. So too on the @LustBrighton account for the firm’s other shop in Brighton. Via this Twitter account gift/pocket-money lines like card games, make-up, lip balms, kitsch kitten trinket boxes, double-ended spanker/tickler, greetings cards, and hosiery etc. are also promoted, using such hashtags as #NorthLaineIndependents #Lifestyle and #BrightonBusiness. With www.lust.co.uk referenced in the profile, again it’d be good to maximise Tweets by including links to everything on the site.
A lack of sex toys as a public safety issue is an unusual angle, but Taboo and Lust! boss Tim Richardson pitched it as a possible example of why adult stores should be in the first wave of shop reopenings. He explained that, because people put unsuitable things in unsuitable places if they have no access to purpose-made, safe pleasure products, that the NHS might be placed under additional strain. How better to save their time retrieving ‘foreign objects’ than allowing their friendly local specialist retailer to open? The logic, like an ice-filled knotted condom, is water-tight.
Facebook’s rather puritanical approach to content means a slightly different approach there than on the more relaxed Twitter, but even without anything too graphic the message is unequivocal; Taboo (both of them; there’s a second branch in Hove) and Lust are wide open and ready to serve their customers. Just not face-to-face at the stores right now.
Sh! rage rage rage against the dying of the light
Sh! in London – epicentre of the UK’s outbreak (the city, not the shop) – is very well placed to comment on the situation. Launched in April ’92 with £700 and “a large tin of ironically playful pink paint”, to quote the firm’s Twitter account @ShWomenStore, co-owner Ky Hoyle has always taken a proactive, pragmatic approach to adult retail. The result is a multi-award-winning store that’s far more than ‘just’ a shop, and a business that’s one of the UK adult industry’s greatest ambassadors.
A look at the company’s social media gives a great insight into both its community ethos and the power of decisive action at a time of rapidly developing concern. Key moments since mid-March include:
March 15th – “The shop is open but if you’re feeling unwell, we politely ask that you refrain from visiting the shop until such a time as you are sure you are not a carrier of the Covid-19. Our priority is health first.”
March 16th – “In light of the most recent news… we have made the decision to postpone all of our classes and events from tomorrow…”
March 17th – The shop is open, but with a reduced number of staff to limit the risk of the spread of the infection. Tweet about #WorkingFromHome with sex toys being a perk during self-isolation.
March 18th – Online engagement, asking people to post about their favourite Sh! experiences and memories. These are quote-tweeted over the following days with thanks and witty asides. This reinforces a ‘we’ve been there for you, please be here for us’ vibe.
March 19th – “The next few weeks/months will be hard, as for all customer-facing companies, but we’ve survived three recessions and a huge burglary, and we’ll do our damndest to protect Sh! for the inspiring community she serves and the dedicated team she’s made up of… So, we’ll also ask for your support with sharing this (and as many of our posts as you can) to like-minded groups and friends because now is the time to stop shopping on Amazon and other big faceless outfits, and support small, ethical companies… And we’re reciprocating: if you are a small, independent company or individual who needs support back, feel free to share your page/posts with us. With love, strength and sisterhood! X #WomanSupportingWomen.”
March 20th – “The shop is open until 7pm and we have soap, hot water, hand sanitiser, and tea… If you’re self-isolating (wise) we take phone orders on 03333… or you can place an order for treats at [the Sh! website].”
March 21st and 22nd – The store is closed for the weekend, while online ordering is given another visible push: “Support your local sex-shop-gang.” There’s also a 15% off promotion launched via www.Sh-WomenStore.com
March 23rd – “Shoutout for local bike delivery companies looking for more work – we’d love to be able to offer same-day delivery locally #Hoxton #Shoreditch #Dalston #VroomVroom.” Also retweeting ‘I got an email from @ShWomenStore, reminding me to say if you’re stocking-up, support independent businesses like Sh!’
March 24th – Live Q&A #VirtualSexEd events promoted, keeping up that educational engagement for which Sh! is rightly known and praised.
With the Lockdown announced, the Sh! store is closed, switching focus to online sales.
March 25th – With the videos too long to share on Twitter, Instagram links direct suddenly-bored-at-home browsers to the first of Sh!’s #VirtualSexEd events. ‘Home-broadcasting’ is a fact of life now, but Sh! were pioneers!
March 27th – “Live Q&A with @TheVagNetwork tonight! Join us on our Instagram @shwomenstore at 6.30pm! Thank you SO much to everyone who has sent in your questions. Lisa will be answering as many as possible during this stream! #Vaginismus Awarness… #VirtualSexEd…”
March 28th – “We’re here to answer your questions about sexual health & wellness – email us today!”
March 29th – Retweeting DIVA Magazine’s tweet promoting the 15% off online sale.
March 31st – “#FunFact Ballgags are one of the most searched-for products on the Sh! website right now.” The use of playful retro graphics (there’s much more noticing of tweets with pics attached) and subtle mention of the website, plus referencing a popular search; textbook social media engagement!
April 1st – Muted celebrations of Sh!’s 28th anniversary offline, but a good time to reflect on the business, thank its supporters, and make a celebratory fuss online!
April 6th – A Rabbit Roundup feature, timed for Easter.
April 13th – “Join our Orgasmic! Class from the comfort of your own sofa! Tickets are a bargain £10 per person (usually £35)… Mix yourself a Quarantini and join us!”
April 14th – Some light seen at the end of the Lockdown tunnel, greeted with enthusiasm! ‘The personal touch’ is truly at the heart of Sh! and not having that face-to-face interaction in person is clearly a source of great sadness.
Lots of tweets (39.8k since April 2009) means these were interspersed with more usual product focus posts, links to pertinent blogs, fun sexy memes, general positivity and self-care, and virtual hugs for readers, customers, contributors and collaborators. Plus lots more focus on online sales, and with classes being a significant element of the physical business, the internet came to the rescue again with further ‘home classes’/pyjama parties.
Inspirational and uplifting, while acknowledging the challenges of shutting the store for weeks, it’s hard to imagine how Sh! could’ve dealt with the calamity of Covid19 better.
Party like it’s 1347
Covid-19, like the Black Death, is no laughing matter. However, the latter has the advantage of ‘tragedy + time = comedy’ so I hope you’ll forgive me the subtitle above. As briefly mentioned before party planners have faced similar challenges, but with the unique problem of not going into folks homes. Ann Summers’ advice rings true for the whole industry: “We have advised our ambassadors that Ann Summers Parties must not happen at this time. This is crucial. However, they are still able to hold digital parties and sell via their social networks. Click ‘parties’ on our homepage if you want to book a digital party and an ambassador will be in touch with you.”
Hooking up with the girls via Zoom or another multi-way-video-web-chat, pouring a family-unit-sized glass of Sh!’s quarantini, banishing the other half from the lounge and trying to capture the fun and frolics of an actual party-plan party seems to be the only answer.
I’ve seen lots of tweets about the party we’re going to have when lockdown ends. They make me as uncomfortable as all those pictures of ‘last night at the pub for now’ photos I saw on social media in March. Hugs and kisses are going to have to be rationed and used sparingly. Certainly not with drunken vague acquaintances in a packed social setting. However, as safety becomes our watchword, eternal vigilance becomes the literal price of liberty, and constant cleaning becomes the norm for public spaces, a new appreciation of those closest to us emerges. With them we share germs more often than we share Rolos, glances, or appreciation of the musicals of Andrew Lloyd Webber.
