ETO publisher Lee Schofield has revealed that he intends to take part in the 2017 London Marathon. This will come as quite a shock to anyone who knows the 44-year-old tub of lard, who tips the scales at a less than svelte 15 stone, and whose only previous sporting achievements have been in video games.
Fast food outlets in Blackpool, where Schofield resides, are reported to be devastated at the news: “Customer is too small a word for Schofield – we think of him more as an unofficial ambassador for our brand,” said an unnamed server in a local branch of McDonald’s. “If he follows a healthy, balanced diet for a significant period of time it will be shattering for the local economy.”
Schofield’s friends and business colleagues have confirmed that any journey with him is punctuated by his child-like enthusiasm at discovering a branch of the burger chain he has not previously visited, and he has an endearing habit of adding a sharing-size box of chicken nuggets as a side dish to his main meal of Big Mac and Fries. Schofield is equally at home in Burger King, KFC, and Senior’s fish and chip emporiums however, and his alcohol intake is also the stuff of legend, with his tipples of choice being lager, Jack Daniel’s, white wine, gin, and any shooters on offer.
Despite the above – and we haven’t even mentioned the fact that he’s been a smoker for much of his adult life – Schofield is absolutely serious about participating in the event, which will be staged on April 23rd 2017. He said: “Both my father and grandfather died from heart attacks so I will be running in order to raise funds for the British Heart Foundation. I am obviously aware that I need to make changes in my lifestyle between now and April, which I hope will benefit me long term, and I would very much appreciate the support of my friends and industry colleagues – not to mention all the people who just want to see me suffer.”
The London Marathon is sponsored by Virgin Money and around 40,000 people took part in the 26.2 mile race last year, many of them in fancy dress. ETO is currently attempting to source a giant cock outfit for Schofield to wear for the occasion. Schofield’s preparations start this week, following last week’s EroFame excesses, and if you would like to sponsor him – he needs pledges of at least £2,000 in order to be eligible to run – please visit his fundraising page here.
[Image taken from the Entertainment In Video film Run, Fat Boy, Run, directed by David Schwimmer and starring Simon Pegg, Thandie Newton, Hank Azaria, Dylan Moran and Stephen Merchant.]
